Saturday, February 23, 2008

Sunday Shining

Woo Wee. My day from Aye to Kay!

Antique
Butcher Shop
Cory
Daffodils
Eggs
French Toast
Gruff European Waitresses
Herb Alpert Vinyls

Irises
Jim Jams

Keiths!

I couldnt do the whole alphabet because its Sunday and I haven't done very much to be Honest. Im having an A-K day instead of an A-Z day.

The Groggers- Big Strong Man.mp3

The Zombies - Sometimes.mp3

Slow Runner - Break Your Mamas Back.mp3


Nina Simone - I Want A Little Sugar In My Bowl.mp3


Eva Cassidy - Tall Trees in Georgia.mp3


Blockhead - Grape Nuts and Chalk Sauce.mp3

Ghostface - Ooh Wee.mp3



Chowdah!


Fucks to family day! We should make the entire month a holiday! Bleaugh!

February sucks dude. In the morning I wake up just before the sun and begin my day with a low heart and a knot in my guts. By the time the sun is up, I'm feeling a little more frisky, or at very least I can fake it convincingly enough for my endless series of 2 minute interactions with customers. Then I come home and just want to sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep. Dreary, I know.


Today was such a day. As I lay on the couch at 8pm in a daze, feeling February in full force, deciding the world petty, unlovely and
ignoble, it took the strength in me to get the feck off the damn couch and do something. I find when these types of moods find me I can usually scare them away in only a few ways.

1. Make a cup of tea and go to bed, but thats a cop out


2. Take a walk, with music in my ears, the colder the breeze outside the better


3. Make some food! Making food for someone you love is good karma, even if you're the only one around. So clean out the wilty vegetables in the stinky little draw
er in the bottom of your fridge and make some nice warm soup. Look in the cupboards, even if theres a box of Duncan Hines Rainbow Sparkle cake mix from 1997 or Betty Crocker Brownies, it will fill the place with food smells and make you feel like you're actually living in a home instead of a cold little blue cage. Ahhh sweet relief.

4. Drinking, Gambling, Illicit Sexual Encounters


Feeling February the amount that I was the only thing I could do to combat it was to perform the first three of these options with haste. The last one is too expensive. So I got out of my Fruit Loops jimjams, put on some actual pants and took a jaunt down to the Super Bee on Carlton for a couple of potatoes. I came home, made a cup of tea, put on some loud music and started chopping some goddamn vegetables. Here's what I made!


Kara's "Die Die February Die" Corn Chowder

3 yukon gold potatoes
1 large onion

2 tbsp butter

1 vegetable or chicken bouillon cube

2 cups corn kernels
( I used 2 ears of peaches'n cream and half a can of Green Giant like a cheater!)
1 1/2 cup milk
1/2 cup cream (light, half and half, whatevers on hand)

1 tbsp brown sugar Good pinch of thyme Less good pinch of cumin
Salt and Pepper
*Glug of cheap white wine, optional
*Bay Leaf, optional


Peel and chop the potatoes up into very small cubes. Toss them in a pot and add the bouillon and enough water to cover. Cook for 15-20 minutes or until potatoes are almost tender. Meanwhile chop the onion finely and sautee with the brown sugar and a pinch of salt until soft and caramelized.
When you have the potatoes right where you want them, add in all the other ingredients. Simmer for about half an hour. Add salt, pepper to taste. Eat with warm garlic bread. Mmmmmm..

WATCH OUT! CUTE SMALL DOG! DON'T PUKE, OKAY!?

The Circle Jerks - Put A Little Love In Your Heart.mp3

Ben Harper - She's Only Happy In The Sun.mp3


Andrew Bird - Happy Day.mp3


Violet Vector and the Lovely Lovelies- Can You Dig It.mp3

Gorillaz - Bill Murray.mp3

Rza and Vincent Gallo - Something I Want.mp3

Now Im going to watch Saturday Night Live while Cory uses the awesome camera angles of World of Warcraft to show me that all the animals in the game lack bum holes. Fun!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Kitty Pickle, OLE!



Hey! Here's a cool thing! Cory pointed it out to me. It's called Sketchcast, and it really is a cool thing! Above is a portrait of the One Eyed Kitten I fooled around with earlier. We were chillin' together on the couch, eating the crumbs that were left of some cheese Doritos, for which the kittens is a FIEND. And I don't know if it was the light or the great voracity of her wee chomps, but I found myself inspired. You can skip through it, I wont be offended, its pretty long. Below is a much shorter and more embarrassing doodle with shaky voice narration, to test that out. So you can accompany me down the path of my artistic journey, as if you were piggy backing on in my VERY BRAIN! Not actually the least bit interesting or entertaining! Maybe Squishy? Anyway, make a better one and show me, you picky bastards, its pretty fun. I find it really relaxing to listen to music and watch people doodle. Especially this one. Combining my two fetishes, drawing and accents. Prrrreow. Also I cant stop listening to this Three Dog Night song, what the fuck eh?



Three Dog Night - Easy To Be Hard.mp3

Kitty, Daisy and Lewis - Mean Son of a Gun.mp3

The Clash - Koka Kola.mp3


Custom Kings - Boys of Summer.mp3

Film - Alarm.mp3




Hoooooow can people be so heartless? Hooooow can people be so cruel...

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Bye, Bye Moon



Flamanda: "Oh! Isn't the eclipse on tonight?"

Why yes, it is!

There is a lunar eclipse tonight, waaah its crazzzy! It's wild baby! And is it just me or does that comic make about zero fucking sense? I think I found that on the interweb circa 1997 and kept it in case one day I would look at it and finally get it. Today is not that day.


Anyroad, above is an artist rendering of what the lunar eclipse will look like. I may actually go out later and take a picture, and replace that black square .gif-- I mean artist rendering. But I may not, because its a full moon and this much moonlight gets the crazy into peoples blood. You can never tell what they will do. Crime happens. Some yelling. Punches are thrown. Its madness. I dont want any of that moonlit drama. There is however something fun you can do in the safety of your own kitchen tonight to celebrate this astronomical astrological event.. RUB BACON ON YOUR WARTS!

Seriously. If you have a wart that you no longer find fashionable, just get a slice or two of nice raw bacon and under the full moon, rub it on the malicious maculation in the shape of an X. Then take that bacon and bury it or toss it into the woods. By the time the bacon has rotted away, your wart will magically disappear! It's been working for 500 years, are you going to dispute that kind of success? Nope. You are not, warty. You could also tear open your wart and rub it with a kernel of corn and then feed that corn to a chicken in hopes that will cure it, but thats just fuckin' nuts.

And now for Some Moon Tunes to Set The Mood!

Django Reinhardt and the Hot Club Quintet - How High The Moon.mp3


Jack Kerouac - The Moon Her Majesty.mp3

Atmosphere - Full Moon.mp3


Joseph Arthur - Honey and the Moon.mp3


Nouvelle Vague- Killing Moon.mp3


Cat Power - The Moon (live).mp3


Pink Floyd - Eclipse (live).mp3

And naturally...



Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Rejected Virus Doodles

Marcel and The Feral Rock Pigeon

These are a few other things I doodled while trying to do something for Illustration Friday. Yeah, I know, I don't know either.

Lullabye for the Ayatollah Tooth



Poop Cake Dancer


Kara's Stay Back Evil Do-er Tea

1 bag chamomile tea
1 bag peppermint or spearmint
1 knuckle of ginger
4 tbsp honey
Half a lemon with the life squeeze out of it

Put all this into a chubby little teapot, add water thats just under boiling, and let steep 5-6 minutes. Drink this with a handful of vitamins and then quarantine your gross, pukey, snotty ass for as long as possible.

IF - Theory

Theory

I had something remotely comical to tie this ink doodle to the topic of Theory. Something about probes? But I'm deathly ill with a particularly malicious virus and really cant be bothered anymore to be honest (I have the diarrhea, it's really distracting.) (Actually the toilet has most of it now, but Im cooking up a new batch as I type). Oh god. Brb.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Drip Drop, Slip, Mop


Good evening bitches and hos. I'm fine, thanks. It's raining gigantic drops of rain outside. I went to a party this evening with my coworkers. I brought crab dip and turtles. One of these things was a big hit. It was the Turtles. However my Aunt Karens crab dip is still delicious to an extreme degree and the recipe follows below. Make it and eat it as soon as you can. The recipe is super simple and the best part about it as that you can't burn it, because crabs are from the sea and theres no fire in the sea so crabs never evolved the ability to burn! Go now, go, gather from the world the supplies for which to make this creamy white crabby gold. THEN EAT IT RIGHT UP!

Also, don't forget to pilfer the South by Southwest website for tasty mp3's from brand new bands with silly names! I did! Here's some now! As well as some other stuff Im listening to at this very moment. You can maybe mix and match. I found a new song by a band I am really really digging, Bryan Scary and the Shredding Tears. It reminds me of like, if Oingo Boingo reformed and wrote a musical about space dementia. Also many of these artists start with the letter B. Co-incidence, or does B just stand for Better? Hm? I'll let you BEcide. Hahahahahahahahaha. ALright!

Little Boots - Stuck on Repeat.mp3

Bryan Scary and The Shredding Tears - Imitation of the Sky.mp3

Black Moth Super Rainbow - Sun Lips.mp3

Bodies of Water - I Guess I'll Forget The Sound, I Guess, I Guess.mp3


WHY? - The Hollows.mp3

The Stooges - You Can't Have Friends.mp3

Jens Lekman - Black Cab.mp3


The Velvet Underground - Femme Fatale.mp3

Orion Rigel Dommisse - Fake Yer Death.mp3

Billy Bragg and Cara Tivey - She's Leaving Home (Beatles Cover).mp3

Aunt Karen's Crab Dip

1 package cream cheese
1 can crab meat
2 tbsp mayonnaise
salt and pepper

Mix together, bake 15 minutes at 350. Serve warm with RITZ BRAND CRACKERS.


Wow does this new Knight Rider ever suck. Whats the point without Hasselhoff? Also Kitt looks like Shitt. Not A Fan. I have been listening to podcasts from SongByToad,
it's nice. Pompous sounding british dude and his snarly-cute scottish wife playing great music and disapproving of generally everything. Am A Fan!

One last thing! Look at this!! GiantMicrobes! Tint plush toy diseases!! Finally I can cuddle up to mange without the damn stinky cats getting in the way! I can sleep with sleeping sickness! Gonorrhea makes a great gift for those who have everything. And how cute is flesh eating disease. Yayyyyyy!

Thanks to Drawn! for that one.

Fruit Salad O E O E O


Disturbing.... here's something else also!

Gosh. I really like that. Whats wrong with me.

Here's that as an mp3 if for some reason you'd rather experience that without watching a chubby white Aussie surf on a giant banana. Whats wrong with YOU! This has gotten me in the rare mood for some rude/lame/foreign indy/dance type-a thang. You know the mood. Well golly, here's some now!


Gameboy/Gamegirl - Fruit Salad.mp3

Gameboy/Gamegirl - Disco House.mp3

Lene Lovich - I Think We're Alone Now (Japanese Version).mp3


And now some Dragonette! I'm now officially going to see them in April with my sibbos. Sweet deal,




How hot is that?

Not as hot as this. Nothing ever is.





Be still my heart. Even Debs looking bored in front of a background of animated camels is sexually exciting. J'ai l'amour avec cette femme.


Cherries'n'Chicken


Hola mis flores bonitaaas!

Gahhh its already friday!! How did that happen, this week went by so fecking quickly, mehn!

I didn't go to life drawing class OR do my Illustration Friday! Boo, on, me. This week has been pretty busy though. Also the need to shove every scrap of food in the vicinity into my mouth an then pass out on the couch for 2 or 3 hours after work is really eating up my
time. Fucking winter. I share so many tendencies with a squirrel.. and yet, they are my wiliest enemy!! DAMN YOU!!
No not you, the squirrels. Anyway, so I dont have any art type stuff to show you, but I did have a nice valentines day and Id like to share a couple new awesome spots of Toronto I have recently experienced. First off, we went to that Indian restaurant I mentioned a few blogs back-- not the expensive fancy shit one, the smaller one with rave reviews on Chowhound.com.

Anyway, the place was Maroli's and it is officially one of my favourite places ever of all time. They serve Malabari cuisine, which is from South
west India. Here's a snippet from a NOW article about great Indian food in T.O. So, I called and reserved a seat, and when the girl seemed genuinely puzzled by this I knew this was the place for us. We found out why when we showed up to an empty dining room with a reserved sign on the nicest table, heh heh heh. Anyway we sat down, and the waitress turned down the lights and put a wee tea candle on our table, which was freaking adorable. Cory had the Butter Chicken - Best in T.O?- and I had the veg version, Butter Paneer. We also had the malabar roti with raita and basmati rice spiced with cloves and cardamom-- mmm. We enjoyed, audibly, and the chef came out to see how our meal was going, and the kept bringing plate after plate of "complimentary" dishes. One of which was their own Malabar chicken, which is chicken coated with this thick red marinade comprised of chickpeas and 17 spices and quickly deep fried. Because the chicken is only in there for a second it doesnt soak up much oil and is not as bad for you. Insanely good. Man. I can eat, okay, but this night defeated me. I could barely move, we had to wait and digest outside on the street before hailing a cab to the next place...

The Cadillac Lounge
!

This is where we enjoyed the sexual stylings of the lovely ladies of Atomic Cherries Burlesque
. Here's to an article about their impromptu strip show on Bay Street, and there are some photos of a past gig at The Bovine Sex Club, just click the documentary section and you'll see it. Two of the gals are Cory's coworkers, and now we have seen them dance in their undergarments. Weird, or HOT? Im not sure. Anyway they were awesome and hilarious. It wasnt a naked thing, just a lot of bad dancing in worse outfits. Cute, saucy and with a bit of simulated oral sex! Yay! Between acts a Toronto indie/electronica band called Hibou played some stuff. They were very decent, the lead singer was cute as a fuckin' button and did an awesome cover of Bjork's "Joga". The guitarist and cellist both looked like cartoon characters they were so handsomely dressed up. Everyone else was dressed up like it was the 80s. Bleaugh. The place was nice too, nice atmosphere, leopard print wallpaper and Keiths on tap. It says on their website they have the largest patio on Queen street so thats something to keep in mind come summer. Mmmm patio..

After a short but life threatening cab ride home we went to bed, at 10:30, like a couple of old people. First and best Valentines day ever.




Monday, February 11, 2008

Damn it, Jim!

"How do I stay so healthy and boyishly handsome? It's simple. I drink the blood of young runaways" - Shatner

Yo dudes, how's it going?

I'm just at home chillin', eating a Mott's Fruitsation. Worked an event at Roy Thompson hall, the bunch of old ladies thing again. Its actually a lecture series for women, this month it was two humanitarians next mo
nth I think its Caroline Kennedy. Pretty cool. Sliced the tip of my finger off in a tragic baguette cutting accident. Less cool. Got a bit stoned on the way home and froze my tits off on the way to the pub to see my boy. Ate some delicious eggplant parmesan and ceasar salad and beer and managed to dodge Karaoke Night despite some jackass signing me up to sing "Crazy" by Patsy Kline. It would have been apt, Ill give him that. And now here I am! On the way back from the pub I was forced by an all consuming need to stop and buy some gummi worms. Mmmm Gummi Worms. I had a pleasent walk through the dead silent park with the sound of my sticky wet chomping keeping my company. I always get sick on these things because they lack a crucial component that most candy has. Theres no point in eating them where I go "hey.. I feel a bit sick from eating all these motherfucking gummi worms, maybe I'll stop after one more" I just go from "MMM MOTHERFUCKING GUMMI WORMS OUMGH OUMGH OUMGH" to "SHIT IM GOING TO PUKE NOW". Theres no grey area of warning with them, they're tricksy buggers. Anyway, here, listen to these musics.

William Shatner with Ben Folds and Aimee Mann - That's Me Trying.mp3


Captain Bogg & Salty - Scurvy.mp3

The Knux - Cappuccino.mp3

Mark Ronson ft Phantom Planet and Blaq Poet - Just.mp3

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Down Boy.mp3

Toumast - Marao Orouan (For 12 Moons).mp3

Space Ghost & Friends - Don't Touch Me.mp3

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Diner Squirt


I found some squirt bottles of acrylic paint in the closet so decided to squeeze the life out of them. Thats what happened!

Martin Sexton - Diner.mp3

It's Not Rocket Surgery

That is a crunchy little bite of Mister Toast which is a rather neat blog by the co-author of Krazy Kids Foods. I'm having a grande olde time looking at his collections of retro food packaging and the like. Theres something so sinister about Kellogg's cereal in the 1950s. Especially Sugar Smacks. *shiver* Wtf's with that clown?? Anyway if you have any interest in cartoons, vintage graphic art or toast, have a poke around, its worth the while! He also has a FlickR page, here.

It's Sunday and I'm at home in Barrie. It was snowing loads e
arlier, big thick flakes. We went on a family excursion to find Mario Party 8 for the Wii to quell my craving to brutally squash opponents without mercy. No Luck. Everyone else must be having Super Mario murder lust as well. Perhaps it is for the best, for although my potential on the PVP battlefield is immeasurable, I frequently slay my own teammates and am purportedly prone to shouting and biting. Now its all blue skies and sunshine is invading the house like the Mongolian hordes. Im sitting in it, having a cup of tea, it's nice.

Here's some springy stuff Im listening to. "I Make This Sound" and "The Floor Is Made of Lava" are two of the best band names I have ever heard. One makes b
etter music than the other though...

The Mae Shi - Lamb and the Lion.mp3
Grand Archives - Miniature Birds.mp3

I Make This Sound - One, Two, Three!.mp3
The Floor is Made of Lava - Told Her I'm from Compton.mp3
Regina Spektor - Honor.mp3
Chainsaw Kittens - Sore On The Floor.mp3

Paul Simon - Kodachrome.mp3

Dad's Diet Tip for the Day:

"It's easy to lose weight. There is only so much ice cream, so eat as much as you can and once it is gone you cant eat anymore and you start losing weight." The logic is flawless!

I brought up for my family a couple of dozen frozen croissants from the shop for them to bake and grow fat and happy! I cant even look at croissants anymore, they fill me with evil and illness. Didnt stop me from eating one today though! Bleaugh. I'm aware that there are those of you who have not yet become afflicted with the croissant-triste (rough translation from French that I just made up now is Pastry Regret-- like vin triste only with more carbs). Here are two recipes for the select few who don't immediately shove every croissant in sight into your mouth and they last long enough to be called stale. Ive made the French Toast Avignon before in my apartment up north, only with Wonder bread instead of delicious croissants, so less impressive but still tasty as all get out. Maybe you could eat this with maybe a little ice cream. Oh Baby. Just a suggestion...

Puffy French Toast Casserole

Makes: 12 servings

1 loaf (8 oz.) French bread, cut into 1/2-inch cubes (about 6 cups)
1-1/2 pkg. (8 oz. each) Cream Cheese, cubed
8 eggs
2 cups milk
1/2 cup maple-flavored or pancake syrup
1/2 cup Pecan Pieces

PLACE bread cubes in greased 13 x 9-inch baking dish; top evenly with the cream cheese. BEAT eggs, milk and syrup with wire whisk until well blended. Pour over ingredients in baking dish; cover. Refrigerate overnight.

PREHEAT oven to 375 F. Bake, uncovered, 35 min.; sprinkle with the pecans. Bake an additional 10 min. or until center is set. Serve with additional syrup, if desired.

Nutrition (per serving) Calories 290 Total fat 12g Saturated fat 8g Cholesterol 175mg Sodium 290mg Carbohydrate 23g Dietary fiber 1g Sugars 11g Protein 10g

French Toast Avignon

1 - 1 1/2 day old croissants per person, sliced in half, horizontally.

Batter (for four to six persons):
1 cup orange juice
1 cup milk
4 eggs
2 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla

Sauce (for four to six persons):
2 tablespoons corn starch
3 tablespoons sugar
1 cup orange juice, maybe with a dash of Grand Marnier or a gallon of Triple Sec
Zest of one orange
1 orange, segmented, seeds and centre pith removed.

Preheat oven to 350F. Whisk together egg mixture. Dip each half croissant in mixture and place on non-stick cooking sheet, two pieces cut side up, one piece (a croissant top), cut side down, for each 3-slice serving. Bake for 20 minutes (do not turn).

Stir corn starch and sugar together in small saucepan. Stir in juice and orange zest and heat to boiling, stirring constantly, until thickened. Add orange segments. If it gets too thick, add more orange juice.

Place two baked croissant slices cut side up (as baked) and one top piece cut side down (as baked) on each plate. Top with orange sauce, including a few orange segments. Dust with icing sugar and serve immediately. OR ELSE. I MEAN IT. GET THAT SHIT ON THE TABLE.

Recipe works well with raisin bread and/or French loaf too, of course. With these breads, you may prepare all in advance and hold overnight in refrigerator; however, croissants are too flaky to withstand the fridge overnight. We also put maple syrup on the table, but it is seldom used, as the orange sauce is adequate for most.

Now I'm off to fold #3 of 6 loads of laundry I brought home with me. I'll have to be stealthy about it. Oscar, the most Smoochable Poochable, can always tell when I fold my laundry and something about poly-cotton blends makes him want to play tug-of-war. Until next Blog, stay sticky my boo's.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Smarmy Marms


"Marmalade in the morning has the same effect on the taste buds that a cold shower has on the body."
- Jeanine Larmoth, whoever she is


Few things can match the simple loveliness of sunshine as it passes through a jar of marmalade. This is especially true if you have just gotten drunk off said marmalade.

Orange Whiskey Marmalade
Thanks to: "Irish Puddings, Tarts, Crumbles and Fools" by Margaret M. Johnson

4 large oranges
2 large or 3 small lemons
2 1/2 cups water
1/8 teaspoon baking soda
One 1 3/4 -ounce package powdered fruit pectin
5 1/2 cups sugar
Pinch of ground cloves
1/4 cup Irish whiskey

Before making the marmalade, prepare the jars, lids, and bands for canning.

With a vegetable peeler or zester, remove the zest (the colored part of the peel) in strips from the oranges and lemons and chop. With a knife, scrape off all the white membrane, or pith, from the peeled fruit. Set aside. Chop the fruit, reserving the juice and removing the seeds.

In a large, nonreactive saucepan over medium heat, bring the zest, water and baking soda to a boil. Reduce the heat, cover and simmer, stirring several times, for 20 minutes, or until the zest begins to soften. Add the fruit, juice and pectin, and simmer for 20 minutes longer. Stir in the sugar, raise the heat to medium-high, add the cloves and bring to a boil. Continue to boil, stirring constantly, for 5 to 10 minutes, or until the mixture reaches 220 degrees on an instead-read thermometer and begins to get syrupy. Stir in the whiskey.

Immediately spoon the hot marmalade into the hot sterilized jars, leaving 1/4 inch of headroom at the top of the jars. Wipe the rims clean, seal with lids and bands, and store in a cool, dry place for up to 1 year. (Marmalade thickens as it cools, but it may take 2 to 3 days to fully set.) Makes 4 pints.

Pokemon Pokefest



There are so many people I want to kill There are SO MANY PEOPLE! I want! To Kill! THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE I WANT TO KILL! I dont even want them to just die. I want to kill them. I want do feel their life escape by my hands. I want their blood on me. Only then will I feel calm. I can finally sleep. Maybe I should just find someone who looks like that guy to do it for me. Here's a recipe for cheesecake!!! I MEAN! Hold on. Hold on. I mean. An Interview with My Brother. Instead! TADA! Now I dont even have to google...

Guest Blog #3

KARA (THATS ME) Okay brother, its time for you to have a guest blog, lets do a guest blog.

B: A guest blog?

K:Yes, its where you and I have an interesting, insightful and at times, witty conversation and I transcribe it into my blog. Kristy has done 2, you owe me one.

B: Hey I did a guest blog. Remember when I jumped on your computer and wrote that thing about Christian Bale sucks?

K: Yeah no one read that.

B: Alright. But you cant use my real name can you?


K: Naturally not, I shall call you Chip.

Chip: Okay *gormlessly*

K: Okay! Oh Okay, Im in italics.
There. Okay! Lets be interesting!

Chip: Hello. You know what I think?

K: Woah you just start right off with it. Kristy spent ten minutes frowning and farting before she even said hello.

Chip: Well she's a dumbutt.

K: By the way Chip is going to be purple now. It suits him. So what do you think?

Chip: What? You cant just change my colour in the middle of the interview! Whatever. I think that Ellen Page is a better actor than Ben Foster.

K: I like saving Humpback Whales.

Chip: Thats a perfectly valid opinion.

K: Damn I thought we were both saying stupid ass opinions! I lose.

Chip: You always lose, Kara, thats what you're so amusing.

K: I dont like this guest blog, Chip. Holy shit the TEE-vee said Chip as I was about to write Chip. Thats freaky. I mean thats just freakin weird.

Chip: Well Um, youre going to have to be satifs---

K HOLD ON I CAT TPE THAT FAST TALK SLOW YOUR OPINION FLOW

Chip: Satisfied with it because I am the biggest celebrity something something this year. Which is kind of embarrasing for you.

K: Hey I quoted uhhhhh.. Diogenes. Thats like.. an interview.. a short one.. and hes dead so he must be famous.

Chip: Thats breathtaking Kara.

K: Here B, I will read to you aloud what you are saying, in a monotone voice, so that you can get a grasp of how utterly mindlessly boring you are.

MOM: HAHAHAHAHA THATS SO CRUEL!

(Editors note: Moms colour is black, like her rotten heart. Burn in hell, MOM!)

K: HI MOM! Welcome to the blog!

Mom: No. NO.

Chip: Tell everyone to go read my blog because it is so much better than yours.

Mom: Get me out of there!

K: No one will fucking go there after reading this tripe

Chip: Oh yeah. DONT PUT ALL THIS PRESSURE ON ME

K: Oh here we go. This is real pressure. Having to just .. speak aloud.. oh the pressure, of maybe looking foolish, on Kara Lackie's Blog.

Chip: I know, I mean I wouldnt want to be judged by your 4 or 5 regular readers.

Mom: or the 75 perverts who googled her smurf porn.

Chip: To be along side your smurf porn and your recipes is a great honour and I wouldnt want to screw that up. I mean that, I do.

K: Okay just because my font hasnt changed to bold or italic doesnt mean I cant read sarcasm.

Chip: No I mean it, youre blog is very "awesome"

K: I can hear your air quotes, Chip

Chip: If I do not do the air quotes with my fingers its not an air quote

K: WELL ITS STILL HURTFUL YOU LITTLE CUNT BASTARD!!!

Mom : GASP

(Editors note: get out of my BLOG, Mom!)

K: Oh Eeh, sorry mom.. Uh you little.. fatherless peepee-r. Lets talk about a current event.

Chip: Theres seven billion people theres gotta be something happening with one of them. Oh, I know, Jenny Lewis is making a new album.

K: Oh yeah?

Chip: Yeah and its gonna be awesome.

K: She is a troll girl.

Chip: WHAT? *suddenly-- I mean like, he said "what" very suddenly*

K: She wears nice dresses.. and got to have sex with Ryan Phillippe in a movie once. Seriously though in real life shes tiny like a troll. Thats what you call little people, right? Trolls?

Chip: Guhhh... I cant be associated with this.

K: What? What?

Chip: Im going to my room to eat Nacho Cheese Doritos, listen to girl music and pretend I am in a girl bland-- I mean band, and play the harpsichord.

K: Sweet, okay B-- I mean Chip, see you later, dude. I'm going to go score some drugs. I mean buy some shoes. I mean go to sleep. I mean get naked. In the shower. And sleep.... I mean eat cheesecake. Naked. On Drugs. In the Shower. Wearing my shoes.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Flomp Bingwell, Chocomolalogist

Barbara, reich mir doch bitte die Rhabarbermarmelade.
Barbara, would you please pass me the rhubarb jam.

Rufus Wainwright - Zing! Went the Strings of my Heart.mp3
Rufus Wainwright and Ben Folds Five - Careless Whisper.mp3

Today I accompanied Cory to Queen Street East, to pick up some photographic chemicals from this warehouse. The experience of walking to a quiet suburban street and going into a backdoor of a warehouse to buy hazardous chemicals for a century-old photographic technique felt very esoteric. That was the first time I have ever used that word outside of the sentence "wtf does esoteric mean?" Sweet. Anyway, it was very pleasant. Cory told me Queen East has lots of little stores, and he was right. There are so many stores and they are all literally little. It must be the cool thing in Riverside to spell 'shop' with an extra P and E, because they all had that in common too. We had fish'n chips and cold root beer at Reliable Fish And Chips. They were on Restaurant Makeover, and the managed to avoid the Kiss of Death that show has been to restaurants in Toronto. They're unlicensed, they dont take debit and their halibut is as thin as cod, but other than that it scratched two very itchy itches. God I love food. Then we came home, watched Alien vs Predator and made out like schoolgirls!

In all the fun of today I totally forgot to call the University and beg them to accept my tardy application. Im subconsciously sabotaging myself. Gah. Then this evening while I was laying in bed petting the one eye'd kitten (not a euphemism) I finally Decided something. With a capital D. Fuck that university. I don't want to be a teacher. That isnt my first choice in life. I want to be an illustrator. I NEED to be an illustrator. God damn it, I AM an illustrator! I have to just suck it up, stop being such a stupid whiny shit-scared pussy and do what I should have done FOUR years ago and apply to Sheridan's Illustration program. For the next year I will toil to save up some cash, get a stellar portfolio in gear, and apply. It doesnt matter that when Im starting school all of my peers are finishing, Im doing what I want to do. And I havent wasted all of this time, this has been the best time of my life. And the worst. But mostly the best. So. Decided. You are all my witnesses. If this time next year I am repeating the same old garbage, which I wont be, feel free to beat me to death with a bag of pennies.

Here's some other stuff!




Yep Jonny, Yep. God I hope you didnt just watch all of that. Wow.

Anyway!

The Ice Cream Headaches - Circuits of Time.mp3
London Funk All Stars - How To Be A Ninja In One Easy Lesson.mp3
The Noble Knights - Sing A Simple Song.mp3
Time Zone (Afrika Bambaata and John Lydon) - World Destruction.mp3
The Holy Mountain Soundtrack - Venus (Vond).mp3

That last one is from the soundtrack for The Holy Mountain which is some weird cult film I haven't seen but is so far the most strange thing I have ever heard in my life. Download it illegally from the internet, today!

Currently I am sitting in my hovel, legs crossed, eating hot fudgey brownies and icecream! Mmmmmmm yes. Good Stuff. I had the most intense urge to make brownies a few minutes ago, so I did. Im so glad, if just for that glorious smell it puts about the place. I think this ice cream has gone off though, it kind of tastes and feels like playdough in my mouth. Oh well.

Hey! Another cousin-o-mine has joined our ferocious family of family blogs! Welcome Kayt, to the ranks!

Ameratat

Excellent. Now back to Browniesssss....

Monday, February 4, 2008

Sing, My Cumberbunce!

i am undeclared in most things

in religion and orientation and undergraduate degrees

and you've got a chip on your shoulder,

i keep salsa in my lap

you should stop acting grumpy

and start taking naps


Shelby Sifers - Start Taking Naps.mp3

The Cassettes - Lady Faire.mp3

Come - I Got The Blues.mp3

Viva Voce - When Planets Collide.mp3

Otis Rush - All Your Love.mp3

Viva Voce - Alive With Pleasure.mp3

Today at work someone, I'm not naming names, initiated a coffee drinking contest, which turned into an espresso drinking contest. This included everyone but me. Real Fun Times. Ahhh but now I'm home, mmm. Though its so very nice outside, I may go for a walk. This is what I'm having for dinner tonight. I invite you to do the same, because mama knows best. I'm kidding, it c
ould be gross, I havent tried it yet. Looks good though.


Curried Egg Salad
Thanks to 101Cookbooks.com

5 good quality eggs

1 1/2 teaspoons curry powder
3 tablespoons plain yogurt
2 big pinches of salt 1/2 small onion, chopped
1/2 medium apple, chopped

1/4 cup pecans, toasted and chopped

1 small bunch of chives, minced


Place the eggs in a pot and cover with cold water by a 1/2-inch or so. Bring to a gentle boil. Turn off the heat, cover, and let sit for exactly seven minutes. Have a big bowl of ice water ready and when the eggs are done cooking and place them in the ice bath for three minutes or so - long enough to stop the cooking.
While the eggs are boiling/cooling, combine the yogurt, curry powder and salt in a tiny bowl. Set aside. Crack and peel each egg, and place in a medium mixing bowl. Add the curried yogurt, onions, apple, pecans, and chives. Now mash with a fork. Don't overdo it, you want the egg mixture to have some texture. If you need to add a bit more plain yogurt to moisten up the mixture a bit, go for it a bit at a time. taste and add more salt if needed. Enjoy as-is, or served wrapped in lettuce or between two slices of good, toasted bread. Serves 3-4

*** I have since tried this and it is freaking DELICIOUS!!! ***

Breadsicle TechnoLust

Bewildered Wonderbread Pigeon

It's been a while, so today I set up my dusty old Wacom tablet to take her for a spin. Above is what I did with it. It is a digital depiction of one of the pigeons that live on our windowsill. I put bread out for them last night and this morning stumbled groggily into the kitchen to take my vitamins and heard a queer and persistent tapping. The bread had frozen and the pigeon was smacking it repeatedly against the window. He was not best impressed. Then I stuck my hand out with some fresh, non-breadsicle bread and he FREAKED OUT! It was great.

But anyroad, as you can see, I'm a little rusty. No fault of the equipment and I still love the little bastard, but today I have seen something that makes me look at it with a stubborn frown and dream of an upgrade. For today I have seen the future, my friends. I dont know why I didnt come across this sooner, thanks to Cory for showing
me the light. The future is Wacom's Cintiq 12WX LCD Pen Tablet. It allows you to draw right on the screen, like a digital sketchbook. Ultra precise, ultra stylish, zero delay. With 1,024 levels of pressure it reacts like a real pen on real paper. In short its the most beautiful piece of technology I have seen in a long time. It's also one thousand dollars...I'll stick with my #2 Ticonderoga for a while yet. A girl can dream though..

However, check out Gizmodo's absolutely glowing review RIGHT HERE, it has a great video of the tablet in action. Mmmmmmmm....


Baby Walrus - White Plastic Box.mp3


Miss Kittin - Machine Joy.mp3


The Owls - The Way On.mp3


Lime Spiders - Slave Girl.mp3

The Mountain Goats - Lions Teeth.mp3



This zombie moose is pretty cool.




IF - Blanket


BLANKET

Yay! After many, many months, or possibly a year, or possibly more, I am putting the Sketch back into this Blog Thing. Here is my Illustration Friday doodle, for this week, in January. Holy smokes. I would like to thank Cory's Playstation, without whose power cord I craftily stole and used to plug in the scanner of which whose powercord of late I lost, I could not have done this. Thanks, old chum!

The question was blanket, and this is my answer. He's eating a PIG in a BLANKET! See! It works! And in case you are still a bit incredulous, he has a blanket on his lap. Turquoise pen, and a yellow and red pencil crayon for the pig in the blanket. About 20 minutes.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Red Curry Days

We Want Curry, in our Tumma-tum-tummies!

Today Im going to make curry. Cory and I bullshitted our way through a recipe for red curry once with a very high success rate. Just in case you also are hankering for some fine curry, here's the recipe and some photos Cory took last summer.


Kara and Cory's Amazing Red Curry Extravaganza

2 tsp olive or vegetable oil
1 - 2 tablespoons Thai red curry paste
1 onion, quartered
1 red pepper, sliced thin
2 green onions
2 sliced carrots
Handful of sugar snap peas
Some cauliflower maybe
Any other vegetables on hand, toss'em on in there
1-2 tablespo
ons cornstarch
1 can of coconut milk
(light if you dont want it to be extra delicious)
Soy sauce, oyster sauce, and brown sugar for taste
* A pound of skinless, boneless chicken breast,
cubed or cut into thin strips, optional


Heat the oil in a large wok or skillet over medium-high heat. Add onion and sugar and cook until caramelized.

Add the chicken pieces, cook, stirring, for about 3 minutes. Add vegetables, curry paste, soy and oyster sauce. Stir until vegetables are softened.

Dissolve the cornstarch in the coconut milk, then pour into the pan over the veggies. Bring to a boil and then simmer over medium heat for about a minute.

EAT!

Saturday, February 2, 2008

NSFW: Smurf on Smurf Smurfing

ALRIGHT SO! HUGE warning here. This is pornographic to an extreme degree. I mean, there is Pussy Galore. Also, a penis or two! And they are blue! Holy Cow!

This is. A. Smurf, fuckfest.

I dont expect anyone to believe me when I say I just watched this long enough to see if their makeup rubbed off, but.. a hilariously potbellied and Hispanic Papa Smurf showed up, and I just couldnt stop. I don't want to ruin it for those of you who are actually going to press play (Emma) but they do at one point, start whistling...

Wow my blog has reached all new heights of awesome. I just could NOT, Not share this. So if your mummy or daddy will ground you or god forbid, give me a call, if they find you watching this, please, please, fuck off now. If you're a nice, clean, adult type pervert, here ya go!

I suggest watching it while listening to this.




Thanks to Fleshbot.com for this one. You Rock, Dudes.

La, la, la, la, la, la, sing a happy song

La, la, la, la, la, la, Smurf the whole day long

(whistle) - Smurf along with me
(whistle) - simple as can be

Next time you're feeling blue just let a smile begin
Happy things will come to you so Smurf yourself a grin

"Ooh, I hate Smurfs! I'll get you, I'll get all of you, If it's the last thing I'll ever do!"

La, la, la, la, la, la, now you know the tune
La, la, la, la, la, la, you'll be Smurfing soon.

Butter Chicken and Liquid Latex


Today I did two things I have never done, and did them at the same time!

I, made plans for valentines day! And! Made a reservation at a fancy restaurant.

Ou la la.

And then called them back 3 hours later to cancel. After looking the
m up on ChowHound and finding that anyone who has eaten there has lived to regret it. The restaurant by the way was the pretty new Amaya Indian Room, on Bayview (a positive review, with pictures and snapshot of the menu here). It was recommended to me by some customers at the shop as being the be all end all of butter chicken. However its the general consensus of the tastebuds of Torontonians that thats not so true. The best seems to be Tabla on Yonge. However, the best butter chicken, which is our holy grail here folks, is to be found at some place called Maroli. So I made reservations at the More Our Style and Highly Priased, Maroli.. They seemed generally confused at the idea of a reservation-- ahh, thats my kind of place.

So Vee Day should be stuffing ourselves with tikka masalas, aloo gobies and poppadoms til we puke, then heading over to a Burlesque show at the Cadillac Lounge on Queen.

Indian Food + Naked Ladies = sexy good times, yes!

I'll let you know how it goes. The Indian food and show, not the sexy goodtimes. Thats a blog for another time and another place. For now,
quell your wanton lust with the smooth sounds of.. uh, possibly some of this music here. Kind of leaning towards 60's psychedelic folk jive, with a soupson of MORTAL TERROR!

Well, not really, only if you have a morbid fear of patchouli and long hair.

Bon Appetit.


Paul Giovanni (Wickerman 1973) - The Maypole Song.mp3

The Ace of Cups - Glue.mp3


∞u∞≈∞C∞„∞h™E∞o™[∞h - The Mops.mp3

Nord Express - Tripleplay.mp3


Tuxedomoon - Conquest.mp3

Lady & Bird - The Morning After.mp3


Paul Giovanni (Wickerman 1973) - Willow's Song.mp3

Tuxedomoon - In A Manner of Speaking.mp3



If you haven't seen the original Wickerman I highly, highly suggest that you do. There's boobies. And not just boobies, 70's boobies! Then after you have my permission to get drunk off your ass and watch the more recent Nicholas Cage'd version, and just try not to piss yourself. Take a shot of whiskey every time Cage looks confusedly off into the horizon. Here's a mega upload link to the entire 1973 OST in its creepy 1970s hippy folk cult glory.

The Wickerman OST

Also, if anyone liked that Mops track as much as I bloody well did lemme know okay and Ill upload the whole album. The first pyschedelic rock band in Japan, formed in the 60's by a ragtag band of highschool students. Theres some covers on there of Jefferson Airplane and The Animals that actually kick ass.

Also, update on the dead dude in the building. It was our neighbor next door to us, Dave, in his 40's, had AIDS and cancer. He had been dead for 4 or 5 days before they found him. Eeeuuurrr... I was literally sleeping next to a stinking, rotting corpse. Bleaugh! Ha ha ha I am insensitive!

CUL8RM8S!