Saturday, February 9, 2008

Pokemon Pokefest

There are so many people I want to kill There are SO MANY PEOPLE! I want! To Kill! THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE I WANT TO KILL! I dont even want them to just die. I want to kill them. I want do feel their life escape by my hands. I want their blood on me. Only then will I feel calm. I can finally sleep. Maybe I should just find someone who looks like that guy to do it for me. Here's a recipe for cheesecake!!! I MEAN! Hold on. Hold on. I mean. An Interview with My Brother. Instead! TADA! Now I dont even have to google...

Guest Blog #3

KARA (THATS ME) Okay brother, its time for you to have a guest blog, lets do a guest blog.

B: A guest blog?

K:Yes, its where you and I have an interesting, insightful and at times, witty conversation and I transcribe it into my blog. Kristy has done 2, you owe me one.

B: Hey I did a guest blog. Remember when I jumped on your computer and wrote that thing about Christian Bale sucks?

K: Yeah no one read that.

B: Alright. But you cant use my real name can you?

K: Naturally not, I shall call you Chip.

Chip: Okay *gormlessly*

K: Okay! Oh Okay, Im in italics.
There. Okay! Lets be interesting!

Chip: Hello. You know what I think?

K: Woah you just start right off with it. Kristy spent ten minutes frowning and farting before she even said hello.

Chip: Well she's a dumbutt.

K: By the way Chip is going to be purple now. It suits him. So what do you think?

Chip: What? You cant just change my colour in the middle of the interview! Whatever. I think that Ellen Page is a better actor than Ben Foster.

K: I like saving Humpback Whales.

Chip: Thats a perfectly valid opinion.

K: Damn I thought we were both saying stupid ass opinions! I lose.

Chip: You always lose, Kara, thats what you're so amusing.

K: I dont like this guest blog, Chip. Holy shit the TEE-vee said Chip as I was about to write Chip. Thats freaky. I mean thats just freakin weird.

Chip: Well Um, youre going to have to be satifs---


Chip: Satisfied with it because I am the biggest celebrity something something this year. Which is kind of embarrasing for you.

K: Hey I quoted uhhhhh.. Diogenes. Thats like.. an interview.. a short one.. and hes dead so he must be famous.

Chip: Thats breathtaking Kara.

K: Here B, I will read to you aloud what you are saying, in a monotone voice, so that you can get a grasp of how utterly mindlessly boring you are.


(Editors note: Moms colour is black, like her rotten heart. Burn in hell, MOM!)

K: HI MOM! Welcome to the blog!

Mom: No. NO.

Chip: Tell everyone to go read my blog because it is so much better than yours.

Mom: Get me out of there!

K: No one will fucking go there after reading this tripe


K: Oh here we go. This is real pressure. Having to just .. speak aloud.. oh the pressure, of maybe looking foolish, on Kara Lackie's Blog.

Chip: I know, I mean I wouldnt want to be judged by your 4 or 5 regular readers.

Mom: or the 75 perverts who googled her smurf porn.

Chip: To be along side your smurf porn and your recipes is a great honour and I wouldnt want to screw that up. I mean that, I do.

K: Okay just because my font hasnt changed to bold or italic doesnt mean I cant read sarcasm.

Chip: No I mean it, youre blog is very "awesome"

K: I can hear your air quotes, Chip

Chip: If I do not do the air quotes with my fingers its not an air quote


Mom : GASP

(Editors note: get out of my BLOG, Mom!)

K: Oh Eeh, sorry mom.. Uh you little.. fatherless peepee-r. Lets talk about a current event.

Chip: Theres seven billion people theres gotta be something happening with one of them. Oh, I know, Jenny Lewis is making a new album.

K: Oh yeah?

Chip: Yeah and its gonna be awesome.

K: She is a troll girl.

Chip: WHAT? *suddenly-- I mean like, he said "what" very suddenly*

K: She wears nice dresses.. and got to have sex with Ryan Phillippe in a movie once. Seriously though in real life shes tiny like a troll. Thats what you call little people, right? Trolls?

Chip: Guhhh... I cant be associated with this.

K: What? What?

Chip: Im going to my room to eat Nacho Cheese Doritos, listen to girl music and pretend I am in a girl bland-- I mean band, and play the harpsichord.

K: Sweet, okay B-- I mean Chip, see you later, dude. I'm going to go score some drugs. I mean buy some shoes. I mean go to sleep. I mean get naked. In the shower. And sleep.... I mean eat cheesecake. Naked. On Drugs. In the Shower. Wearing my shoes.


Demiurge said...

Dude, you never told me your mom is part of your 'blogosphere'. Gonna have to watch what I say (eyes the familial spies hither and yon).

Did Kristy really respond to your interview questions in Fart-Morse?

Kara said...

Dont worry about my mom, she is damaged beyond repair and numb to anything sensational.

No she didn't, in reality I was the one who was doing the farting. But it was only because I ate really complicated foods that day. It wasnt my fault.

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