Saturday, February 9, 2008

Pokemon Pokefest



There are so many people I want to kill There are SO MANY PEOPLE! I want! To Kill! THERE ARE SO MANY PEOPLE I WANT TO KILL! I dont even want them to just die. I want to kill them. I want do feel their life escape by my hands. I want their blood on me. Only then will I feel calm. I can finally sleep. Maybe I should just find someone who looks like that guy to do it for me. Here's a recipe for cheesecake!!! I MEAN! Hold on. Hold on. I mean. An Interview with My Brother. Instead! TADA! Now I dont even have to google...

Guest Blog #3

KARA (THATS ME) Okay brother, its time for you to have a guest blog, lets do a guest blog.

B: A guest blog?

K:Yes, its where you and I have an interesting, insightful and at times, witty conversation and I transcribe it into my blog. Kristy has done 2, you owe me one.

B: Hey I did a guest blog. Remember when I jumped on your computer and wrote that thing about Christian Bale sucks?

K: Yeah no one read that.

B: Alright. But you cant use my real name can you?


K: Naturally not, I shall call you Chip.

Chip: Okay *gormlessly*

K: Okay! Oh Okay, Im in italics.
There. Okay! Lets be interesting!

Chip: Hello. You know what I think?

K: Woah you just start right off with it. Kristy spent ten minutes frowning and farting before she even said hello.

Chip: Well she's a dumbutt.

K: By the way Chip is going to be purple now. It suits him. So what do you think?

Chip: What? You cant just change my colour in the middle of the interview! Whatever. I think that Ellen Page is a better actor than Ben Foster.

K: I like saving Humpback Whales.

Chip: Thats a perfectly valid opinion.

K: Damn I thought we were both saying stupid ass opinions! I lose.

Chip: You always lose, Kara, thats what you're so amusing.

K: I dont like this guest blog, Chip. Holy shit the TEE-vee said Chip as I was about to write Chip. Thats freaky. I mean thats just freakin weird.

Chip: Well Um, youre going to have to be satifs---

K HOLD ON I CAT TPE THAT FAST TALK SLOW YOUR OPINION FLOW

Chip: Satisfied with it because I am the biggest celebrity something something this year. Which is kind of embarrasing for you.

K: Hey I quoted uhhhhh.. Diogenes. Thats like.. an interview.. a short one.. and hes dead so he must be famous.

Chip: Thats breathtaking Kara.

K: Here B, I will read to you aloud what you are saying, in a monotone voice, so that you can get a grasp of how utterly mindlessly boring you are.

MOM: HAHAHAHAHA THATS SO CRUEL!

(Editors note: Moms colour is black, like her rotten heart. Burn in hell, MOM!)

K: HI MOM! Welcome to the blog!

Mom: No. NO.

Chip: Tell everyone to go read my blog because it is so much better than yours.

Mom: Get me out of there!

K: No one will fucking go there after reading this tripe

Chip: Oh yeah. DONT PUT ALL THIS PRESSURE ON ME

K: Oh here we go. This is real pressure. Having to just .. speak aloud.. oh the pressure, of maybe looking foolish, on Kara Lackie's Blog.

Chip: I know, I mean I wouldnt want to be judged by your 4 or 5 regular readers.

Mom: or the 75 perverts who googled her smurf porn.

Chip: To be along side your smurf porn and your recipes is a great honour and I wouldnt want to screw that up. I mean that, I do.

K: Okay just because my font hasnt changed to bold or italic doesnt mean I cant read sarcasm.

Chip: No I mean it, youre blog is very "awesome"

K: I can hear your air quotes, Chip

Chip: If I do not do the air quotes with my fingers its not an air quote

K: WELL ITS STILL HURTFUL YOU LITTLE CUNT BASTARD!!!

Mom : GASP

(Editors note: get out of my BLOG, Mom!)

K: Oh Eeh, sorry mom.. Uh you little.. fatherless peepee-r. Lets talk about a current event.

Chip: Theres seven billion people theres gotta be something happening with one of them. Oh, I know, Jenny Lewis is making a new album.

K: Oh yeah?

Chip: Yeah and its gonna be awesome.

K: She is a troll girl.

Chip: WHAT? *suddenly-- I mean like, he said "what" very suddenly*

K: She wears nice dresses.. and got to have sex with Ryan Phillippe in a movie once. Seriously though in real life shes tiny like a troll. Thats what you call little people, right? Trolls?

Chip: Guhhh... I cant be associated with this.

K: What? What?

Chip: Im going to my room to eat Nacho Cheese Doritos, listen to girl music and pretend I am in a girl bland-- I mean band, and play the harpsichord.

K: Sweet, okay B-- I mean Chip, see you later, dude. I'm going to go score some drugs. I mean buy some shoes. I mean go to sleep. I mean get naked. In the shower. And sleep.... I mean eat cheesecake. Naked. On Drugs. In the Shower. Wearing my shoes.

17 comments:

Demiurge said...

Dude, you never told me your mom is part of your 'blogosphere'. Gonna have to watch what I say (eyes the familial spies hither and yon).

Did Kristy really respond to your interview questions in Fart-Morse?

Kara said...

Dont worry about my mom, she is damaged beyond repair and numb to anything sensational.

No she didn't, in reality I was the one who was doing the farting. But it was only because I ate really complicated foods that day. It wasnt my fault.

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