Sunday, March 23, 2008

Toast or Die

Alright, we have a serious problem on our hands.

Apparently, some members of our society today, CORY, feel that when something stops working at peak efficiency, then it is to be thoughtlessly thrown into el garbagio. One such fiend lives with me, and have put their stamp of death onto our poor defenseless toaster. This issue has hit too close to home! Its actually in our kitchen! I say, it's time to take a stand! Cory obviously, would rather just sit down. In his giant pile of refuse. I suppose though it is only fair, that he share his side of this hot button issue. Pun? Cory?

I really don't want to be on your blog.

Alright, so the toaster stays! VIVE LE REVOLTION!

You broke the toaster. Buy me a new toaster. I don't care if it's just a little butter in the toaster, that seems to be causing it not to work. Get me a new toaster.

That kind of thoughtless consumerism is whats ruining oUR ENTIRE WORLD! The toaster works fine, just because everytime you hold the button down, pillars of grey smoke come out. Thats just the butter, eventually it will all burn away.

Did you forget to mention that you have to hold the button down while these pillars of smoke are billowing? That it doesn't toast anything unless the button is held down? Here the final word: you tried to melt butter over the toaster, split all the butter into the toaster and shorted out our toaster. BUY ME A NEW ONE!

Once AGAIN for all the worlds sake I was just trying to be as efficient as humanly possible. How was I to know the blob of butter would melt off the knife. And it doesn't BILLOW, it
just smokes. AND The internal structure is fine, I opened it up. If you just use the hair elastic I have taped to the button to tie it down, and wait a while for the butter to burn into oblivion all will be well. Toaster stays.

I have just come back from smashing the shit out of the toaster and cutting off it's plug. BUY ME A NEW TOASTER!

You know you can fry toast in a pan....

What is this, the fucking dark ages? All my food must be cooked by a machine or an indentured slave woman!

Well I dont have indentures but I pretty much fit the bill for the second option. I hate youuuuu! Someone help me!

Then why are you still typing? Make me some damn toast, woman!

YOUR MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111

Well, I was going to ask your advice, O World, but seeing as the toaster is now officially broken, not just imaginary broken, never fuckin mind. I will just make some cereal.

Syd Barrett - I'm Not Here.mp3

Brigitte Bardot - Contact (remix).mp3

Ween - Flutes of the Chi.mp3

The Db's - Amplifier.mp3

The Clash - Lost In The Supermarket.mp3


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