Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Don't Eat The Bees

General Disorders tyrannical reign over my apartment has ended! Banished with tooth, nail and Mr. Clean Magic Erasers! Tonight, the people rejoice! With cake and freezies and diet Pepsi Cola!

The era of Wild Fuckin' Times has begun.

Im going to bed, this is just a quick post to share a really quick recipe my Nan used to whip up when she knew we were coming to visit. One of the most quintessential Nanny recipes. If you have a can of apple pie filling laying around, you're all set! 15 minutes prep. 1 Hour to bake. Also for your listening enjoyment, the last seven songs that played on my itunes. I know, its lazy, but they're good enough!

Apple Streusel Coffee Cake

Serves 12
2 1/4 cups flour
3/4 cup sugar

3/4 cup butter or margarine

1/2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 egg beaten

3/4 cup butter milk or sour milk

1 (19 oz.) Can apple pie filling

Combine flour and sugar. Cut in butter or margarine until crumbly. Set aside 1/2 cup of mixture. Add baking powder and baking soda. In a separate bowl, combine egg and milk and add to dry mix. Stir until moistened. Spread 2/3 batter over bottom and halfway up the sides of greased 9" Springform pan. Spoon pie filling over batter. Drop remaining batter by spoonfuls over filling. Sprinkle with reserved crumb mixture. Bake 1 hour at 375°F. Cool 10 minutes.

Blockhead - Not So Ok Corral.mp3

Beatles - Happiness Is A Warm Gun.mp3

RJD2 - Bus Stop Bitties.mp3

Pixies - Velouria.mp3

Aesop Rock - Night Light.mp3

The Trucks - Why The?.mp3

Finley Quaye - Your Love Gets Sweeter.mp3

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

IF - Primitive

Illustration Friday - Primitive

Exploited - Sex and Violence.mp3

Time: 1/2 hour
Weapon of Choice: Black Bic's Pen

Monday, April 21, 2008

Springtime is Wartime

Okay. Dudes. Exciting news. Big Plans. Crazy Times. Buzzy Bees. Cookies. Peanut Butter Cookies.....

I'll be back in a moment.

Okay so Im back. Ta da. Blog Magic! I reappeared instantly with PEANUT BUTTER COOKIES! I just stole this off a box of Crisco so its nothin
g to get hardened nipples over but I must stow it away here in my blog for safekeeping. In case you dont have any Crisco though, this is handy, cause here is the recipe right here, but if you dont have a box of Crisco, than its useless, because it calls for half a cup, of Crisco.... Im pretty sure this is the recipe my Grammo uses. They made my favourite kind of peanut butter cookie. Soft, slightly chewy and goldeny delicious. Shucks to Butter.

Crisco Peanut Butter Cookie

Makes 3 dozen


3/4 c Creamy peanut butter
1/2 c Crisco
1 1/4 c Brown sugar
3 tb Milk
1 t Vanilla
1 Egg
1 3/4 c Flour
3/4 ts Salt
3/4 ts Baking soda

1. Heat oven to 375F.
2. Combine peanut butter, Crisco, sugar, milk, and
3. Beat at medium speed until blended.
4. Add egg and beat again.
5. Combine dry ingredients. Mix in at low speed
6. Drop by teaspoonful onto ungreased baking sheet.
7. Bake 7-8 minutes or until brown.

Flatten slightly in a criss-cross pattern with a floured fork and suffer the visual lameness.

Okay NOW I'm ready to get on with it. The Real News!

I have become. A Collaborator! I collaborate! Woooooooo! But thats not EVEN the best part! The bast pert is the collaboration is occurring on My Cousin Marelly's Blog! Together we shall be finding, cooking, baking, photographing and posting vegetarian recipes for all the world to see, mock, scorn and piddle on. Or eat. Whatever. It's gonna be pretty good. SO many pictures of fire. Check it out every day of your life!

hip Hooray Avocado!

Sweet, Webding spiders.

I love that name. If i had a band thats what it would be called. Arguably not better than "Eat Your Greens" or "Vegetable Awesome" but it's more fun to say because it ends in an exclamation mark and thats exciting because that means you get to shout it right on out! Hip Hooray Avocado! Like you are really just proud of that avocado! Cheering him on! What an effort! Go Go Go!

Uhhhhhhhhhhhh wow Im really distracted... so yeah, a window into a world of two hapless, and frankly sinister young lassies try
ing their best to turn broccoli into bundt cake. Mmmm.

No seriously it will be good. And Bundt cake sucks.

Other than that Im just going to pet the one eyed kitten (that always sounds like an euphemism every damn time) and wiggle my bum around in a way that no soul can speak of to some drum music from... new guinea? I dont even know, but its good.

Blatantly stolen from Awesome Tapes from Africa, but with love in my heart! Truly for it is Awesome.

Mahmoud Guinia - Track 1.mp3

Manou FoFana - WalĂ´h.mp3

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Turtle Farts and Milf Porn

Sundays are an oasis in my week. Sleeping in, late leisurely breakfast at the ever awesome Johnny G's. They had opened their movable walls so we sat in the sun with a breeze, drinking our coffee and watching Cabbagetown's finest and weirdest. Then we went for a wee stroll down to Riverdale Farm. I wish I had discovered this place sooner. Its really really nice to be in the middle of downtown Toronto and walk 15 minutes from home and suddenly you're on a farm. There we harassed some cows, saw some fuzzy chicken bums, giant cocks, and watched turtle farts in the pond. We also may have been in some weird porn.. there was a sketchy young guy filming some chick pushing a baby carriage with nothing in it through the park. When we looked at them he pretended to be shooting the cows.... IM A PORNSTAR!

Anyway, now is The Time of C
leaning so that means the end of this blog. Here's some music and what I just made for lunch!

Gwendolyn and The Good Time Gang - Farm Animal Friends.mp3

Stereo Total - Grand Prix Eurovision.mp3

Slick Rick - Treat Her Like a Prostitute.mp3

The Beatles - Mean Mr. Mustard.mp3

Cesaria Evora - Sodade.mp3

Almond Sauce for Rice
From "The New Book of Middle Eastern Food" by Claudia Roden
Serves 4

An exquisite specialty of Damascus in Syria to serve over 1 1/2 cups rice, cooked by any method.

1/2 cup ground almonds
2 1/2 cups chicken stock
salt and pepper
2 cloves garlic

2 tbsp chopped flat leaf parsley (plus 2 more for garnish)

1/2 tsp sugar

Juice of one lemon
Pinch of turmeric

Mix the almonds and cold stock together in a saucepan. Bring to boil, season to taste, and add all the other ingredients. A pinch of turmeric may be used to give the sauce an attractive pale yellow colour. Simmer gently, stirring occasionally, for 20-30 minutes, until the mixture thickens and the ingredients have blended into a rich, flavoursome sauce. Serve ladled over rice, with sprinkling of chopped parsley.

I added honey instead of sugar, TWO pinches of turmeric and some red pepper flakes. This was so tasty but it would be better with some vegetables and maybe chunks of chicken if you are into that kind of thing.

Sick Freak.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

My First Pie

Earlier on this week I made my very first pie. I scavanged delicious recipes from all over in order to create my Frankenstein Pie Monster. I call it...

Kara's Banana Split Pie

First you need about 4-5 large bananas. I made the custard the night before, making sure to press plastic wrap against it tightly so it didn't develop a skin. The next morning I got up and baked the crust, until it was golden and flaky. I let that cool fully, ON MY WINDOW SILL! And then, and then, and then, this is how it went...

Layer 1: Thick, shiny
chocolate ganache with slices of banana pressed in a spiral into it. Pour it in while its hot and let cool completely before adding the second layer.

Layer 2: Vanilla Custard. I used a piping bag to put the custard in this pie because the custard was so thick.

Layer 3:
Slices of bananas, covered in strawberry Jam. I heated the jam in a small pot so it got to a watery consistency and poured it over the bananas. Let cool for a couple of minutes.

Layer 4:
Vanilla Custard.

Layer 5:
Bananas, smothered in caramel sauce.

Layer 6: Vanilla Custard.

Layer 7. A mountain of
whipped cream, with a slice of banana on top!

I really wish I had gotten a picture of this before I brought it to my Aunt in Burlington. It was pretty lovely looking. The crust was flakey and tasty, the combo of butter and crisco is really nice. The custard was freaking delicious and Cory and Jordan just ate bowls of it by itself. Vanilla bean is far superior to extract. The layers weren't distinct but you could taste every flavour and it was just like a DQ Banana Split, I PROMISE AND SWEAR!

Mmmmmm sweet success...

Here's the recipes I used

Williams-Sonoma Flaky pie Crust

Single Crust (9″)
6 ounces (1 1/2 cups) all purpose flour — (185 grams)
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 ounces (1/2 cup) vegetable shortening
4 tablespoons cold water — approximately

Double Crust
9 ounces (2 1/4 cups) all purpose flour — (280 grams)
3/4 teaspoon salt
6 ounces (3/4 cup) vegetable shortening
6 tablespoons cold water — approximately

With steel blade in processor, put the flour, salt and shortening (in one lump) into the bowl and process with 15 pulses. The mixture should look light and dry and will resemble tiny, irregular flakes and crumbs.

Add about 2/3 of the water and process again with 5 pulses. Add 1 more tablespoon of water (2 more, for double crust) and process with 3 pulses.

Stop and feel the dough; it should be just damp enough to mass together. If necessary, add more water by teaspoonfuls, processing for just an instant after each addition. The total mixing time is less than 1 minute and the dough should not form a ball; it should remain a rough, shaggy mass.

Use it right away or chill it.

Vanilla Bean Custard
From Emeril Legasse

4 cups heavy cream

1 1/2 cups whole milk
1 1/2 cups plus 2 teaspoons granulated sugar
1 vanilla bean, split in half lengthwise and seeds scraped
3 large egg yolks
2 large eggs
1/2 cup cornstarch

1. Combine 2 cups of the cream, the milk, 1/2 cup of the sugar, the vanilla bean, and the vanilla seeds in a large heavy-bottomed saucepan over medium heat. Bring to a gentle boil, whisking to dissolve the sugar. Remove from the heat.

2. Combine the egg yolks, eggs, cornstarch, and 1 cup of the sugar in a medium bowl, and whisk pale yellow in color. Set aside.

3. Whisk 1 cup of the hot cream mixture into the egg yolks. Gradually add the egg mixture to the hot cream, whisking constantly. Bring to a simmer, stirring constantly with a large wooden spoon to cook out the cornstarch and the mixture thickens, about 5 minutes. (The mixture may separate slightly. If so, remove from the heat and beat with an electric mixer until thick and smooth.) Strain through a fine mesh strainer into a clean bowl. Cover with plastic wrap, pressing down against the surface to prevent a skin from forming. Chill in the refrigerator for about 4 hours.

Whipped Cream

1 cup heavy cream
1 tablespoon confectioners' sugar
1 tablespoon maraschino or vanilla extract

In a chilled bowl, whip the cream until slightly thickened, about 2 minutes. Add the sugar and maraschino or vanilla. Whip to fluffy peaks, about 2 minutes.

Butterscotch Sauce

1/4 cup water
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup unsweetened butter
1 cup heavy cream
1 tablespoon Jamaican dark rum
1/3 cup sweetened condensed milk

Combine the water, sugar and butter in a large saucepan and cook over high heat until light amber, about 5 minutes. Stand back as far as possible and slowly drizzle the cream into the caramel. It will bubble up and may splatter, so protect your hands with an oven mitt or towel. Add the rum and cook for 4 to 5 minutes, occasionally swirling in the sauce around the pan, until thickened and a rich golden brown.

Strain the sauce and stir in the sweetened condensed milk. Store in a sealed container. This sauce will keep for 2 weeks in the refrigerator or 3 months in the freezer.

Chocolate Ganache

1/2 cup heavy cream
8 ounces finely chopped bittersweet chocolate
1 tablespoon unsalted butter

In a small saucepan heat cream to a simmer. In a bowl pour simmering cream over chopped chocolate. Add butter and stir until smooth.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

YouTube Horrorfest

Here's a list of my most current worst fears, illustrated with You Tube. Despite the serious discrepancies with rational behaviour to which they may lead, I fear most that I am not alone in having more than a few of these Heebies/Jeebies.

Crabs - anything with an exoskeleton freaks me out

Falling asleep - The dude that crouches on my ceiling. I can't go into detail, but, terrifying

My feet touching other peoples feet - Keep your fucking feet off mine! They are cold and bony, ew grosssssss

Crunching bones and/or cartilage between my teeth
- I had to stop eating bunnies, its sad and really starting to effect my love life

At times I want to punch people in the neck until the die
- This scares me a lot.

Toilet snakes - Right in your bum!

Intestinal Worms - Right out of your bum! I share my food with NO ONE.

Closets - Don't you think theres a reason children are inherently terrified of closets? There's fucked up shit in there at night!

Italians - Casino is a horror movie.

Old School Spiderman's web shooters - wtf why is it coming out of his veins??

The Deep South
- Especially Old Timey Deep South. No coincidence 1028102818 horror movies are set there. Fucking scary as shit.
Hitting the ground at a high velocity and feeling it - That smarts.

Biting on popsicles
- Gives me the heebie fucking jeebies.

Old people
- Used to scare me, but now they are all dead. They dont have anything to lose so they will just fuck with you. Old Bastards.

Being locked in the bathroom - Since Stephen King's It, this has been a fear of mine.

El Chupacabre

Elliot Gould
- I once had a particularly vivid dream where I was brutally raped by Elliott Gould. Now whenever MASH comes on TV I just scream and scream and scream. Oh god I can still feel the chest hair...

- Burnssssssss meeeee

Pervert ghosts - watching me while I take my number twos. You know how many dead people there are? There could be masses of dead freaks watching you while you grunt and plop about. Its horrifying.



Beware Wormbies.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Sex Bomb, Kaboom

So, Ive been developing an alter ego. She, me, is a kinda suave kinda sexy bond girl type with big hair and even bigger tits. Her sweaters are too tight and she likes shootin' guns. She sucks men in and spits them out, literally. She suffers from a chronically debilitating learning disability. She is Marsha Roastmellow. I will actively seek out commonalities with this persona until gradually we are one. Breast augmentation and karate skills are the first step.

I have also created alter egos for my siblings. The boy shall now be Hot Pot Ding Dong.. or Hot Ding Pot Dong.. or... Hot Dong Pot Ding.. heh heh.. hehehe.. obviously he's the sidekick of the yet to be found main figure of our story. And uhh and the girl, that is, my sister, will be Stubs the Antagonist. Stubs Littlewalk. She has tiny wee legs.

Its so sexy outside, if it were not for laundry duties I would be walking to Riverdale farm to check out the horsies. Instead of hanging out here checking out the whoresies. Hm spellcheck didnt pick up on that one. Is whoresies
a word? Wtf. I dont really have anything meaningful to blog about, but really who ever fucking does? Bunch of lameasses. Pffft. I really just couldnt look at that frizzy haired St Vincent chick one single more time, so here I am, posting this drivel.

Speaking of whores, Im thinking of starting a web comic. Fuck you, I think its a fine idea. Keep your eyes peeled for signs of this actually happening. For now..

Rita Chao and the Quests - Hanky Panky.mp3

Swell Maps - Blam!!

France Gall - Jazz A Go Go.mp3

Brigitte Bardot - Contact.mp3

Raquel Welch - I'm Ready To Groove.mp3

I made some cinnamon buns while I was back in Barrie this weekend. They took all bloody morning to do but they were sooooo gooood. Here's the recipe. The filling mostly seems to melt out but you just spoon in over top of the buns and its extra delicious. Im going to try to find a recipe where the filling stays dryer. The dough was perfect.

Cinnamon Buns

1 teaspoon white sugar
1 package active dry yeast
1/2 cup warm water
1/2 cup milk
1/4 cup white sugar
1/4 cup butter
1 teaspoon salt

2 eggs, beaten

4 cups all-purpose flour
3/4 cup butter
3/4 cup brown sugar

1 cup chopped pecans, divided

3/4 cup brown sugar
1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
1/4 cup melted butter


1. In a small bowl, dissolve 1 teaspoon sugar and yeast in warm water. Let stand until creamy, about 10 minutes. Warm the milk in a small saucepan until it bubbles, then remove from heat. Mix in 1/4 cup sugar, 1/4 cup butter and salt; stir until melted. Let cool until lukewarm.

2. In a large bowl, combine the yeast mixture, milk mixture, eggs and 1 1/2 cup flour; stir well to combine. Stir in the remaining flour, 1/2 cup at a time, beating well after each addition. When the dough has pulled together, turn it out onto a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic, about 8 minutes.

3. Lightly oil a large bowl, place the dough in the bowl and turn to coat with oil. Cover with a damp cloth and let rise in a warm place until doubled in volume, about 1 hour.

4. While dough is rising, melt 3/4 cup butter in a small saucepan over medium heat. Stir in 3/4 cup brown sugar, whisking until smooth. Pour into greased 9x13 inch baking pan. Sprinkle bottom of pan with 1/2 cup pecans; set aside. Melt remaining butter; set aside. Combine remaining 3/4 cup brown sugar, 1/2 cup pecans, and cinnamon; set aside.

5. Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface, roll into an 18x14 inch rectangle. Brush with 2 tablespoons melted butter, leaving 1/2 inch border uncovered; sprinkle with brown sugar cinnamon mixture. Starting at long side, tightly roll up, pinching seam to seal. Brush with remaining 2 tablespoons butter. With serrated knife, cut into 15 pieces; place cut side down, in prepared pan. Cover and let rise for 1 hour or until doubled in volume. Meanwhile, preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).

6. Bake in preheated oven for 25 to 30 minutes, until golden brown. Let cool in pan for 3 minutes, then invert onto serving platter. Scrape remaining filling from the pan onto the rolls.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Some Chicks Rock

So, another awesome thing Jordan turned me onto was a band called St Vincent. This Chick Rocks. I wont go into too much detail about the band or the her, Annie Clark, swoon, thats more my brothers thang and you can look it up yourself. For now just listen to these. I would steal her voice and bury it in the back garden forever if I could.

St Vincent - Marry Me (live).mp3

St Vincent - Apocalypse Song.mp3

St Vincent - Your Lips Are Red.mp3

St Vincent - Stars Aligned.mp3

St Vincent - These Days.mp3