Saturday, June 12, 2010

Mama Cass puts the ass in class

Once upon a time in a land down under lived the fattest kookaburra who ever did indeed live. Mama Cass lived in an idyllic park in Sydney. She would spend her days waddling around in the grass being fed sausages and delicious cheeseburgers by kind picnickers. At night she would fall asleep wherever she happened to plop down, kept warm by the hot dogs in her belly and farts that streamed almost continuously from her little birdie bum. Mama Cass could not fly up into the safety of the tree tops you see, because of her substantial heft, she had all the abilities of a feathery medicine ball. But oh was she happy.

That was until one fateful day when a pack of vicious dogs caught wind of her tasty sausage smell and went after her. Mama Cass trundled away as fast as her feeble legs would carry her enormous pudge-body but eventually the dogs got her. Luckily the nice park goers intervened and saved Mama Cass! They carried her to the zoo where they bandaged her up and took care of her.

Mama Cass was put on a balanced diet immediately and was even made to exercise. Eating slugs and bugs was one thing but there was no way they were getting big mama to flap around like some kooky kookaburra. Eventually the exasperated zookeepers took to full out chasing Mama Cass around the yard to get her moving. After a few weeks of this Mama Cass had slimmed down to a sleek 446 grams and even managed to fly! It was to the nearest branch, but everyone was so proud.

All of Australia was so touched and inspired by Mama Cass that they made her President!

The End.

Inspired by the true story of one amazing tubby bird.

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